walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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