I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
