btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
