so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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