Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
