I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
