She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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