Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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