when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
