someone threw a dead crab at me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
