I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
