piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
