A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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