She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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