she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
