Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
PANTIES FOUND
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