omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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