just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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