If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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