im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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