i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
