I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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