Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
