So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
