She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
