im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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