she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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