This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
