Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
