Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
