every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize