Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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