College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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