what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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