At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize