i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
