i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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