Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
