I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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