I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
