for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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