i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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