Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
