this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
