yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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