my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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