the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
false alarm. still invincible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
