its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
