If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
