Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
