Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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