It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
