craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
