How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
