dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
