He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
