those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Im part way to drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
