apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
