I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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