yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
