Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will pee on everything he values.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
