guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I skipped work to stalk him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love having hate sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
