ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
