Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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