Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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