Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
