My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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