i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
