I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
