dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
