I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
